Noah

At this point I'm realizing nobody reads my blog, lol.



It's taken me 2 weeks to write this entry- everytime I log in to write I can't get past a few sentences before I'm emotionally exhausted or I just feel like avoiding writing it. Somehow putting things on paper make them real, and I have to admit I've never wanted to escape reality like I do now in my life.

I'm going to somewhat shift the focus of my blog, so I can post progress, emotions, blessings, signs from the Lord, etc. regarding our sweet baby Noah and his story so that family and friends can check this site rather than me having to send out mass e-mails (or tell the story over and over again). Plus, I think it will help me to sort out feelings and a way to reach out for support and most importantly, prayer surrounding the whole situation.



We found out at our 21-week ultrasound that we're having a boy! As soon as my mother-in-law and daughter left the room, my regular OB continued to focus on the area around his neck, repeatedly explaining "this is umbilical chord, this is not". She kept repeating herself. I was like, sooo what's your point. She then said, "something's there, you need to go have another Ultrasound done at UCSD". We impatiently waited the whole afternoon trying to get an appointment, when they finally squeezed us in at the end of their day. Apparently the Ultrasound technician takes several pictures while a team of doctors were reviewing what she was doing in another room. Finally, 40 minutes later, the team came in my dimly lit room and said, "This is what we think it is."



They said it is a cervical teratoma, which is a tumor around the baby's neck. They occur about 1 in 50,000 pregnancies, however only around 250 babies have been reported to be born with it (likely because the doctors encourage abortion--ugh--don't get me started). They told me it's not chromosomal, it is extremely rare, and they think it's from identical twins that didn't separate and organize correctly. We're scheduled to meet with our new perinatologist at the University of Washington next tuesday. I'm nervous, excited, anxious, and somewhat annoyed. I feel like they're going to tell me things I already know (the morbidity rate of a baby with this condition, the complications that can occur, etc), and to be honest I just don't want to hear it! Of course I will not be naive and not listen to the doctors, but I feel like we subscribe to two completely different schools of truth. Does that make sense?

There's a lot of things that could happen in the pregnancy and at Noah's birth. For now, I won't bore you or scare myself with the what ifs. At this point, they're giving him a 50% chance of survival if he makes it through the pregnancy. But, blah blah blah. We have a God of miracles, and statistics mean nothing to Him! I have allowed myself to be sad, and to cry A LOT, but I don't think God wants us to dwell on these feelings, or focus on the what ifs. Any one of us can wake up one morning and have our world completely changed-- but again, the what ifs.

I am drawing closer to the Lord than I ever have in my life! A part of me feels guilty for that, because it has taken something of this magnitude to get me to fall to my knees before Him. But I know that this is a perfect example of how he can use ANY situation to bring Himself glory, including the saddest ones in our lives. I am putting all my faith in his promises, resting in His peace for whatever His will be for Noah's life. I truly believe in my heart that this tumor will not reach a ginormous size, and that it will be removed, and that he will go on to live a completely normal, happy life.

Now, we pray and wait... and praise Jesus for the blessings in our life, including Noah. He is perfectly and wonderfully made, and he has a purpose on this earth.