Today Kyle & I had our last visit at UW before Noah's delivery day.
I can't believe in 3 weeks, I will be holding my sweet baby, and will be a mommy of two!
We pretty much heard the same information from the doctors. It's weird, because Kyle and I went in to this appointment with a completely different attitude. It was like we didn't really care what the doctors said, because we are still expecting our miracle even if it doesn't take place before birth.
We were a little surprised that the cyst has grown, quite a bit actually... because of a couple different things that happened in the last few weeks we thought Noah was healed. I didn't blog about it because I didn't know what to think of it, but about a week and a half ago I woke up in the middle of the night because my uterus was shaking rhythmically back and forth; much different than those big kicks. But, the cyst is definitely still there. I was sad and disappointed, but not completely shocked. We knew that regardless of what the doctors say, there is still just so much unknown until Noah is born... so why stress about new bits of information that might be scary, but even more importantly, the information may be trivial and not mean a thing.
He is still swallowing, still moving around like crazy, his tongue is still moving around, and he's still upside down! I asked the doctor if the fact that he's upside down would contribute to the increased size of the cyst (it's water filled, so it just sorta made sense to me that gravity would make it so the cyst is draining less down in to his body since he's upside down). She said maybe, but they don't really know why some cysts grow and others don't. Also, he is already 5.5 lbs (not including his little friend on his neck, lol)! So if babies gain about 1/2 lb. a week at this point, we're praying for a 6.5-7 lb. baby! We got a great face shot on the ultrasound today, his cheeks look so chubby it is hilarious!
She also told me that we will be taking over 2 operating rooms because we will have so many people present at the birth (over 20!), and if they need to perform a tracheotomy immediately they will have everything there if they need it.
I have one more ultrasound next week in Wenatchee and an appt. with the OB here on the same day, and after that we just wait for the 5th when Kyle and I will head over for the amnio to make sure Noah's lungs are ready (he'll be 36 weeks), and then go in to surgery at 7:30am the morning of the delivery. Because of the type of c-section they need to perform (EXIT procedure), they are hoping to use a spinal anaesthetic, but depending on how much blood I lose they may need to knock me out completely, and possibly a blood transfusion. AHHHH! Please pray this is not the case (not just for my sake, but obviously Noah's too), and that they will be able to cut Noah's chord right away because his airway is clear and he won't need to rely on the placenta (and they can stitch me up). I have never been afraid of needles or anything like it, but I am absolutely horrified at the thought of a blood transfusion. Not just because of the risk of disease, but it's creepy to think of someone else's blood cells floatin' around in there!
As it gets closer I'm getting more anxious, and it seems like it's getting harder to trust God. I have to continually, all day long, remind myself that God is in control, that He has a plan, and that He will be glorified through all of this somehow. I am holding on to the strength of my husband, who's faith has been so strong and unwaivering, knowing that no matter what happens. Whenever I start thinking negative, or feel Satan himself creeping in to my mind and thoughts, I have to seriously talk these thoughts through with Kyle and it's like he talks me down from the ledge. I am so grateful for such an amazing husband and man of God at my side for the rest of my life... I know that sounds cheesy but it's true!
We are set to close on our house on December 31st, maybe sooner! We will be moving in just in time for Noah, yeehaw! Our "dream house" that we were waiting on (the short sale) fell through because the bank's appraisal came in ridiculously high, making our offer look super lame. But we ended up finding an adorable, much more affordable, little bit smaller, but still awesome house that is already vacant in a better neighborhood. It was obvious that this is where God wants us, we can't wait!
Thank you Lord for all the blessings in our lives, eventhough they are harder to see during this trying time. I am MOST GRATEFUL for my beautiful Ella; these next few weeks are so precious to me because this is the last time it will be just she & I, two peas in a pod. I am worried about her adjusting to Noah, depending on what his needs are. It's hard enough adding a perfectly healthy new baby to a family, much less one with these circumstances. I pray for her understanding and strength during this time, and just that God would bless these last three weeks with the two of us.
To anyone reading this, I'm asking the biggest favor-- we need so much prayer, we know that God is a God of miracles and we are expecting this miracle, but we are scared too.
Love,
Andie
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Tough day
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Noah's Team
This morning Kyle and I finally met with the multidisciplinary team of doctors that will be at Noah's birth. We found out some good things and some not so good things. I'm realizing that a lot of my entries go on and on about medical stuff, and I'm sure for some of you that gets exhaustive! I guess I don't know how to summarize everything that's going on without passing on everything the docs are telling me. Sorry!
One of the biggest things I've realized is that the doctors can just prepare for the worst, and for the most part there are just so many unknowns until he's born. To sum it up:
The good stuff:
Noah isn't breech anymore! The doctors were really excited about this news, because from a technical standpoint it makes it much easier on the OBs. Last week I was told that they were going to have to make a vertical cut all the way up my belly if he was breech. Now that he's upside down like he's supposed to be, it's still going to be a huge cut that goes from hip to hip on me, but they anticipate this to be a much easier recovery for me. Of course I don't care about the cosmetic scar, as much as I was dying to get back in to a bikini (lol!), but the docs told me that depending on how Noah's doing at birth, he could be immediately taken to Children's and I would not be able to see him for 2-3 days because I would be recovering from such a traumatic surgery. Please pray that Noah stays upside down!!!
Noah already has hair on his head! We could totally see it on the ultrasound, it was so cute! Also, the ENT docs spent a lot of time looking at his trachea and his larnyx, and they could see his voice box vibrating as he was trying to talk!
The tougher stuff:
Although Noah's tumor didn't grow in a month, in the past two weeks it seems to have grown a centimeter in each direction. It also looks as though there is a new (although very small) cystic pocket that has developed on his upper chest. It looks like some of the fluid from his neck mass just snuck down there. Not a big deal, but I admit I was pretty sad to see this growth after we've had a month of what seemed like nothing was happening with the cyst.
We also found out that if the cyst is not compromising airways or eatingways, they may not remove the cyst for up to a year after he's born. It can still go away completely on its own, too, without surgery. Like I said, and the doctors made very clear, there is still so much that is unknown until he's born. Plus, they have no idea how long his stay at Children's will be. Could be a few days, could be months. Oh! I almost forgot! The scheduled day for his delivery is January 6th. Still has to be confirmed with the rest of the team's schedules but it sounds like that will be the date.
Hope that brings everybody up to speed! The one thing I will ask all my friends & family is that you will PLEASE not stop praying, I know it seems like we've gotten over some major hurdles through prayer already, but I just want to encourage everyone (and myself) that we MUST continue to focus on the Lord, and know that He is in control of this entire situation. I know personally in the past few weeks I have been distracting myself with work, Ella, etc. But I know that I have to continue to be in constant prayer and thankfulness to the LORD over these next 6 weeks (and beyond!). This growth can still shrink, can still stop growing, can still leave room for an airway for Noah breathe.
Oh, and I didn't cry at today's appointment, cool! Emotionally I'm doing surprisingly well, considering everything... Kyle might answer differently hahaha! I feel anxious at times, and the only thing that has seemed to calm me down is sleep, prayer, and reading God's word. Took this off Beckie's blog today: (so appropriate)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
One of the biggest things I've realized is that the doctors can just prepare for the worst, and for the most part there are just so many unknowns until he's born. To sum it up:
The good stuff:
Noah isn't breech anymore! The doctors were really excited about this news, because from a technical standpoint it makes it much easier on the OBs. Last week I was told that they were going to have to make a vertical cut all the way up my belly if he was breech. Now that he's upside down like he's supposed to be, it's still going to be a huge cut that goes from hip to hip on me, but they anticipate this to be a much easier recovery for me. Of course I don't care about the cosmetic scar, as much as I was dying to get back in to a bikini (lol!), but the docs told me that depending on how Noah's doing at birth, he could be immediately taken to Children's and I would not be able to see him for 2-3 days because I would be recovering from such a traumatic surgery. Please pray that Noah stays upside down!!!
Noah already has hair on his head! We could totally see it on the ultrasound, it was so cute! Also, the ENT docs spent a lot of time looking at his trachea and his larnyx, and they could see his voice box vibrating as he was trying to talk!
The tougher stuff:
Although Noah's tumor didn't grow in a month, in the past two weeks it seems to have grown a centimeter in each direction. It also looks as though there is a new (although very small) cystic pocket that has developed on his upper chest. It looks like some of the fluid from his neck mass just snuck down there. Not a big deal, but I admit I was pretty sad to see this growth after we've had a month of what seemed like nothing was happening with the cyst.
We also found out that if the cyst is not compromising airways or eatingways, they may not remove the cyst for up to a year after he's born. It can still go away completely on its own, too, without surgery. Like I said, and the doctors made very clear, there is still so much that is unknown until he's born. Plus, they have no idea how long his stay at Children's will be. Could be a few days, could be months. Oh! I almost forgot! The scheduled day for his delivery is January 6th. Still has to be confirmed with the rest of the team's schedules but it sounds like that will be the date.
Hope that brings everybody up to speed! The one thing I will ask all my friends & family is that you will PLEASE not stop praying, I know it seems like we've gotten over some major hurdles through prayer already, but I just want to encourage everyone (and myself) that we MUST continue to focus on the Lord, and know that He is in control of this entire situation. I know personally in the past few weeks I have been distracting myself with work, Ella, etc. But I know that I have to continue to be in constant prayer and thankfulness to the LORD over these next 6 weeks (and beyond!). This growth can still shrink, can still stop growing, can still leave room for an airway for Noah breathe.
Oh, and I didn't cry at today's appointment, cool! Emotionally I'm doing surprisingly well, considering everything... Kyle might answer differently hahaha! I feel anxious at times, and the only thing that has seemed to calm me down is sleep, prayer, and reading God's word. Took this off Beckie's blog today: (so appropriate)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
It's not a Tooma!
Noah and I had our first MRI on monday at UW. I don't know why everyone complains about them, it was great and I got a much needed 1 hr. nap! Dr. Peterson (my other high-risk OB) called me Wednesday with the results, but I've been busy working and haven't had the chance to update my blog. Sorry Beckie! lolFor those of you who didn't pick up on the Kindergarten Cop reference, my title means it's not a tumor!!!
The MRI revealed that there are no solid components in the mass, and that it is completely cystic. At this point, they are now calling it a cystic lymphangioma... supposedly meaning that this lymph node didn't develop correctly. The doctors said this isn't necessarily better or worse news, but we're taking it as GREAT news. The biggest concern they have at this point is that the MRI revealed his tongue may be involved (which makes no sense to me, because if it's cystic it is all water...?). I've learned though that there are so many things we won't know until his birthday, even when the doctors are confident about something, it really doesn't mean MUCH. I am trusting in them with mine and my baby's life, but they too are only human. The great physician still has 8 weeks to get rid of this sucker. Some cases of lymphangioma have even been resolved while in utero. Amazing! Usually it happens before the 20th week, but seriously, God knows no calender but His own.
When I was on the phone with the doctor, I was seriously running up and down the hall, praising the Lord, and then I literally fell to my knees in praise. Don't laugh! I felt like such a dork, I've never done anything like that! But it was absolutely necessary considering the circumstances!
Because it's not a teratoma, it isn't putting any pressure on his trachea or esophagus. It can still cause respiratory problems, but nothing compared to what a teratoma is capable of doing. It's still dangerous, but the doctors have actually given me a small chance that I may even be able to deliver vaginally. They said the chances are small, and of course I'm not going to do anything stupid, if the c-section is necessary to be safe, we'll go through with it. But it's just amazing to me that the doctors were so certain that this was a cervical teratoma, there was not a question in their minds... and now we are dealing with a completely different diagnosis. Who's not to say that it was a teratoma, and God has completely removed all solid masses. I am putting nothing past Him at this point!
Dr. Peterson wanted to pow-wow with the ear-nose-throat doctors at Children's (who will be removing the mass and present at Noah's birth) before she gave me any more information, and I should hear back from her either today or Monday. I'm not sure if I'll still be delivering early, I imagine so because of the driving over the pass issue, but I'll know more next week after talking with the ENT docs.
Even more encouraging news is that the cyst is the same size, and has not grown in 4 weeks. Yeehaw! Still swallowing lots of fluid, his tongue going all the way back in his mouth. I am just in constant praise to the Lord, thank you for healing our sweet baby. We know this cyst is not of YOU!
*For those of you wondering about the house, we are trying to buy a home that is a "short-sale", pre-foreclosure, so we are dealing with and waiting on the bank to appraise the home and accept our offer. These are notoriously NOT short at ALL, and can take months, but we absolutely love the house and are willing to wait for it. It's an awesome historic home that used to be a church, with lots of room for our growing family. Please pray for patience among Kyle, me, my mom, and her husband Bob as we get on each other's nerves living together for 6 weeks now!!! LOL!
*The quilt in the picture was sent to us from Kyle's aunt Patti, whose friend Yvonne had her church quilt ministry make it for Noah. It absolutely warms my heart to look at this blanket. If you look closely, it is made from different Noah's Arc prints, and has a super cozy flannel backing. It is beautiful. Here is the label on the back side:
Thank you so much for lifting us up in prayer, and thank you for this priceless gift Aunt Patti and all the ladies who knit it together for sweet Noah!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Best News!
We had a dr. appointment and ultrasound yesterday here in Wenatchee. I was so anxious going in to the appointment, not knowing what to expect. I am still in awe of the news!
- Noah's tumor hasn't grown in 2 weeks! It is the exact same size. Wow. Noah, on the other hand, is continuing to grow!
- His neck doesn't seem to be as hyperextended as it was at the last appt. It is slightly, but not nearly as much as before (the tumor must not be as large proportionately now that his head is bigger and tumor is the same size)!
- He is still swallowing! Lots of fluid in his belly and bladder, hooray!
- His tongue wasn't sticking out the whole time like it was last time. It did make an appearance, but for the majority of the US his lips were completely shut and tongue where it should be (less pressure than 2 weeks ago).
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Seasons
For the first time in 6 years for me and the first time in Kyle's LIFE, we're experiencing a beautiful fall! Thank you Lord for this reminder that everything has its se
ason in our lives.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
God's voice
I first want to send a special thanks to my friend Beckie's good friend Laura from Utah who, although has never met me, was so sweet to create a web button in honor of Noah (see top right corner). How freaking cute and scrapbookie is it? Thanks Laura! Feel free to copy it and post wherever!
I've had a rough couple of days emotionally. I've just been doubtful, sad, scared. My mom tells me that God has continually told her that Noah is going to make it, and live a long happy life. But I'm learning so much about fear and how debilitating it is. I never would've thought the enemy could use it as such a strong tool. But, today at church God assured me the following, it brought such peace and comfort. It felt like God was directly talking to me. Wow, for one of the first times in my life, I feel like I am truly hearing His voice. WOW!
I feel like this verse will sort of be a focus during this trying time. We have to believe that God CAN heal Noah.
When he heard this, Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.'
John 11:4
Our next Dr. appt. is tuesday to measure amniotic fluid levels (is Noah still swallowing?), I'll try to write after that appointment. Lord, give these doctors wisdom. I believe you are working a miracle!
xoxo
I've had a rough couple of days emotionally. I've just been doubtful, sad, scared. My mom tells me that God has continually told her that Noah is going to make it, and live a long happy life. But I'm learning so much about fear and how debilitating it is. I never would've thought the enemy could use it as such a strong tool. But, today at church God assured me the following, it brought such peace and comfort. It felt like God was directly talking to me. Wow, for one of the first times in my life, I feel like I am truly hearing His voice. WOW!
I feel like this verse will sort of be a focus during this trying time. We have to believe that God CAN heal Noah.
When he heard this, Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.'
John 11:4
Our next Dr. appt. is tuesday to measure amniotic fluid levels (is Noah still swallowing?), I'll try to write after that appointment. Lord, give these doctors wisdom. I believe you are working a miracle!
xoxo
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Yesterday
My mom went with Ella and I for my first appointment with the perinatologist up here in Seattle at UW. The good news is I'm much more comfortable delivering here with this doctor versus the one at UCSD-- she has dealt with a handful of cervical teratomas in her life and said they are very comfortable with the EXIT procedure (the specialized c-section the doctors will be performing). The doc at UCSD couldn't even tell me what it stood for, much less familiar with the operation!
The bad news is that Noah's mass has grown, from 3.5cm x 4 cm to 4 x 6. But, it's growing proportionately along with him, which is what they expect. I guess I was just expecting God to ALREADY work a miracle, stop the growth or make it disappear... but that's not to say He still won't. The miracle can happen at any time, even on the day he's born, so although I was initally discouraged I know I won't doubt my God and what He's capable of doing.
He is still swallowing fluid! His stomach had fluid in it and his bladder was about to explode, lol! But, they noticed that a lot of the time his tongue was thrust forward a bit, which would be from the tumor putting pressure on his throat. Dr. Hitti was concerned about the structure and what it could potentially do once he's born, but assured us that at this point, we will want to get Noah to 36-37 weeks before they schedule the EXIT procedure. As long as he's inside, he is perfectly fine. Although his neck is hyperextended because of the mass, Noah feels no pain, and he's moving around a lot.
Dr. Hitti told us that she delivered a baby with Noah's same condition 9 months ago, and before the delivery they were extremely concerned about the outcome. But this baby came out screaming at the top of its lungs, telling everyone his airway was open and they didn't even have to insert an oxygen tube! It is my prayer that this will be Noah's story. I can't wait to hear him yell at those doctors!
It was a sad day, not that I didn't learn a lot that I didn't already know, but it's just the reality of it all I guess. I have to go back to UW in 3-4 weeks for an MRI on the mass so that the surgeons who will be removing it will know what they're dealing with. More good news is I will only have to go to Seattle 2 more times before the birth, and I will intermittently be seeing an OB in Wenatchee for the routine OB appointments. So that takes some stress off, especially with winter on its way!
I still believe God has special plans for this baby. I look at Ella, and I am just in awe of the true miracle that life is. In today's society, it just seems like people think life is disposable, creating and ending it as they please. It makes my heart so sad. God has a purpose for ALL life, and I am impatiently waiting to find out what Noah's is!! :)
P.S. Kyle and I made an offer on our dream house yesterday and will find out today if we got it!
The bad news is that Noah's mass has grown, from 3.5cm x 4 cm to 4 x 6. But, it's growing proportionately along with him, which is what they expect. I guess I was just expecting God to ALREADY work a miracle, stop the growth or make it disappear... but that's not to say He still won't. The miracle can happen at any time, even on the day he's born, so although I was initally discouraged I know I won't doubt my God and what He's capable of doing.
He is still swallowing fluid! His stomach had fluid in it and his bladder was about to explode, lol! But, they noticed that a lot of the time his tongue was thrust forward a bit, which would be from the tumor putting pressure on his throat. Dr. Hitti was concerned about the structure and what it could potentially do once he's born, but assured us that at this point, we will want to get Noah to 36-37 weeks before they schedule the EXIT procedure. As long as he's inside, he is perfectly fine. Although his neck is hyperextended because of the mass, Noah feels no pain, and he's moving around a lot.
Dr. Hitti told us that she delivered a baby with Noah's same condition 9 months ago, and before the delivery they were extremely concerned about the outcome. But this baby came out screaming at the top of its lungs, telling everyone his airway was open and they didn't even have to insert an oxygen tube! It is my prayer that this will be Noah's story. I can't wait to hear him yell at those doctors!
It was a sad day, not that I didn't learn a lot that I didn't already know, but it's just the reality of it all I guess. I have to go back to UW in 3-4 weeks for an MRI on the mass so that the surgeons who will be removing it will know what they're dealing with. More good news is I will only have to go to Seattle 2 more times before the birth, and I will intermittently be seeing an OB in Wenatchee for the routine OB appointments. So that takes some stress off, especially with winter on its way!
I still believe God has special plans for this baby. I look at Ella, and I am just in awe of the true miracle that life is. In today's society, it just seems like people think life is disposable, creating and ending it as they please. It makes my heart so sad. God has a purpose for ALL life, and I am impatiently waiting to find out what Noah's is!! :)
P.S. Kyle and I made an offer on our dream house yesterday and will find out today if we got it!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Hiccups!
I am very happy and encouraged to report that Noah has had the hiccups a couple times in the past few days, which I see as a very good thing! Considering babies get hiccups when they swallow too much amniotic fluid, that means Noah's airway has plenty of room even to swallow too much fluid! It felt like an encouraging reminder from God that He is taking sweet care of Noah, just as He has confirmed through so many people that he is healing and he is going to be okay. Thank you Lord for these encouraging moments!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Noah
At this point I'm realizing nobody reads my blog, lol.
It's taken me 2 weeks to write this entry- everytime I log in to write I can't get past a few sentences before I'm emotionally exhausted or I just feel like avoiding writing it. Somehow putting things on paper make them real, and I have to admit I've never wanted to escape reality like I do now in my life.
I'm going to somewhat shift the focus of my blog, so I can post progress, emotions, blessings, signs from the Lord, etc. regarding our sweet baby Noah and his story so that family and friends can check this site rather than me having to send out mass e-mails (or tell the story over and over again). Plus, I think it will help me to sort out feelings and a way to reach out for support and most importantly, prayer surrounding the whole situation.
We found out at our 21-week ultrasound that we're having a boy! As soon as my mother-in-law and daughter left the room, my regular OB continued to focus on the area around his neck, repeatedly explaining "this is umbilical chord, this is not". She kept repeating herself. I was like, sooo what's your point. She then said, "something's there, you need to go have another Ultrasound done at UCSD". We impatiently waited the whole afternoon trying to get an appointment, when they finally squeezed us in at the end of their day. Apparently the Ultrasound technician takes several pictures while a team of doctors were reviewing what she was doing in another room. Finally, 40 minutes later, the team came in my dimly lit room and said, "This is what we think it is."
They said it is a cervical teratoma, which is a tumor around the baby's neck. They occur about 1 in 50,000 pregnancies, however only around 250 babies have been reported to be born with it (likely because the doctors encourage abortion--ugh--don't get me started). They told me it's not chromosomal, it is extremely rare, and they think it's from identical twins that didn't separate and organize correctly. We're scheduled to meet with our new perinatologist at the University of Washington next tuesday. I'm nervous, excited, anxious, and somewhat annoyed. I feel like they're going to tell me things I already know (the morbidity rate of a baby with this condition, the complications that can occur, etc), and to be honest I just don't want to hear it! Of course I will not be naive and not listen to the doctors, but I feel like we subscribe to two completely different schools of truth. Does that make sense?
There's a lot of things that could happen in the pregnancy and at Noah's birth. For now, I won't bore you or scare myself with the what ifs. At this point, they're giving him a 50% chance of survival if he makes it through the pregnancy. But, blah blah blah. We have a God of miracles, and statistics mean nothing to Him! I have allowed myself to be sad, and to cry A LOT, but I don't think God wants us to dwell on these feelings, or focus on the what ifs. Any one of us can wake up one morning and have our world completely changed-- but again, the what ifs.
I am drawing closer to the Lord than I ever have in my life! A part of me feels guilty for that, because it has taken something of this magnitude to get me to fall to my knees before Him. But I know that this is a perfect example of how he can use ANY situation to bring Himself glory, including the saddest ones in our lives. I am putting all my faith in his promises, resting in His peace for whatever His will be for Noah's life. I truly believe in my heart that this tumor will not reach a ginormous size, and that it will be removed, and that he will go on to live a completely normal, happy life.
Now, we pray and wait... and praise Jesus for the blessings in our life, including Noah. He is perfectly and wonderfully made, and he has a purpose on this earth.
It's taken me 2 weeks to write this entry- everytime I log in to write I can't get past a few sentences before I'm emotionally exhausted or I just feel like avoiding writing it. Somehow putting things on paper make them real, and I have to admit I've never wanted to escape reality like I do now in my life.
I'm going to somewhat shift the focus of my blog, so I can post progress, emotions, blessings, signs from the Lord, etc. regarding our sweet baby Noah and his story so that family and friends can check this site rather than me having to send out mass e-mails (or tell the story over and over again). Plus, I think it will help me to sort out feelings and a way to reach out for support and most importantly, prayer surrounding the whole situation.
We found out at our 21-week ultrasound that we're having a boy! As soon as my mother-in-law and daughter left the room, my regular OB continued to focus on the area around his neck, repeatedly explaining "this is umbilical chord, this is not". She kept repeating herself. I was like, sooo what's your point. She then said, "something's there, you need to go have another Ultrasound done at UCSD". We impatiently waited the whole afternoon trying to get an appointment, when they finally squeezed us in at the end of their day. Apparently the Ultrasound technician takes several pictures while a team of doctors were reviewing what she was doing in another room. Finally, 40 minutes later, the team came in my dimly lit room and said, "This is what we think it is."
They said it is a cervical teratoma, which is a tumor around the baby's neck. They occur about 1 in 50,000 pregnancies, however only around 250 babies have been reported to be born with it (likely because the doctors encourage abortion--ugh--don't get me started). They told me it's not chromosomal, it is extremely rare, and they think it's from identical twins that didn't separate and organize correctly. We're scheduled to meet with our new perinatologist at the University of Washington next tuesday. I'm nervous, excited, anxious, and somewhat annoyed. I feel like they're going to tell me things I already know (the morbidity rate of a baby with this condition, the complications that can occur, etc), and to be honest I just don't want to hear it! Of course I will not be naive and not listen to the doctors, but I feel like we subscribe to two completely different schools of truth. Does that make sense?
There's a lot of things that could happen in the pregnancy and at Noah's birth. For now, I won't bore you or scare myself with the what ifs. At this point, they're giving him a 50% chance of survival if he makes it through the pregnancy. But, blah blah blah. We have a God of miracles, and statistics mean nothing to Him! I have allowed myself to be sad, and to cry A LOT, but I don't think God wants us to dwell on these feelings, or focus on the what ifs. Any one of us can wake up one morning and have our world completely changed-- but again, the what ifs.
I am drawing closer to the Lord than I ever have in my life! A part of me feels guilty for that, because it has taken something of this magnitude to get me to fall to my knees before Him. But I know that this is a perfect example of how he can use ANY situation to bring Himself glory, including the saddest ones in our lives. I am putting all my faith in his promises, resting in His peace for whatever His will be for Noah's life. I truly believe in my heart that this tumor will not reach a ginormous size, and that it will be removed, and that he will go on to live a completely normal, happy life.
Now, we pray and wait... and praise Jesus for the blessings in our life, including Noah. He is perfectly and wonderfully made, and he has a purpose on this earth.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
7 years with no attack on American soil
Just wanted to share this excerpt from an article written by Ann Coulter 7 years after the WTC attacks.
If Bush's only concern were about his approval ratings, like a certain impeached president I could name, he would not have fought for the Patriot Act and the war in Iraq. He would not have resisted the howling ninnies demanding that we withdraw from Iraq, year after year. By liberals' own standard, Bush's war on terrorism has been a smashing, unimaginable success.
A year after the 9/11 attack, The New York Times' Frank Rich was carping about Bush's national security plans, saying we could judge Bush's war on terror by whether there was a major al-Qaida attack in 2003, which -- according to Rich -- would have been on al-Qaida's normal schedule.
Rich wrote: "Since major al-Qaida attacks are planned well in advance and have historically been separated by intervals of 12 to 24 months, we will find out how much we've been distracted soon enough." ("Never Forget What?" New York Times, Sept. 14, 2002.)
There wasn't a major al-Qaida attack in 2003. Nor in 2004, 2005, 2006 or 2007. Manifestly, liberals thought there would be: They announced a standard of success that they expected Bush to fail.
As Bush has said, we have to be right 100 percent of the time, the terrorists only have to be right one time. Bush has been right 100 percent of the time for seven years -- so much so that Americans have completely forgotten about the threat of Islamic terrorism.
For his thanks, President Bush has been the target of almost unimaginable calumnies -- the sort of invective liberals usually reserve for seniors who don't separate their recyclables properly. Compared to liberals' anger at Bush, there has always been something vaguely impersonal about their "anger" toward the terrorists.
By my count, roughly one in four books in print in the world at this very moment have the words "Bush" and "Lie" in their title. Barnes & Noble has been forced to add an "I Hate Bush" section. I don't believe there are as many anti-Hitler books.
Despite the fact that Hitler brought "change," promoted clean, energy-efficient mass transit by making the trains run on time, supported abortion for the non-master races, vastly expanded the power of the national government and was uniformly adored by college students and their professors, I gather that liberals don't like Hitler because they're constantly comparing him to Bush.
The ferocity of the left's attacks on Bush even scared many of his conservative allies into turning on him over the war in Iraq.
George Bush is Gary Cooper in the classic western "High Noon." The sheriff is about to leave office when a marauding gang is coming to town. He could leave, but he waits to face the killers as all his friends and all the townspeople, who supported him during his years of keeping them safe, slowly abandon him. In the end, he walks alone to meet the killers, because someone has to.
That's Bush. Name one other person in Washington who would be willing to stand alone if he had to, because someone had to.
OK, there is one, but she's not in Washington yet. Appropriately, at the end of "High Noon," Cooper is surrounded by the last two highwaymen when, suddenly, his wife (Grace Kelly) appears out of nowhere and blows away one of the killers! The aging sheriff is saved by a beautiful, gun-toting woman.
Preventing another terrorist attack is like that. There is no media coverage when another 9/11 doesn't happen. We can thank God that President George Bush didn't care about doing the safe thing for himself; he cared about keeping Americans safe. And he has, for seven years.
If Bush's only concern were about his approval ratings, like a certain impeached president I could name, he would not have fought for the Patriot Act and the war in Iraq. He would not have resisted the howling ninnies demanding that we withdraw from Iraq, year after year. By liberals' own standard, Bush's war on terrorism has been a smashing, unimaginable success.
A year after the 9/11 attack, The New York Times' Frank Rich was carping about Bush's national security plans, saying we could judge Bush's war on terror by whether there was a major al-Qaida attack in 2003, which -- according to Rich -- would have been on al-Qaida's normal schedule.
Rich wrote: "Since major al-Qaida attacks are planned well in advance and have historically been separated by intervals of 12 to 24 months, we will find out how much we've been distracted soon enough." ("Never Forget What?" New York Times, Sept. 14, 2002.)
There wasn't a major al-Qaida attack in 2003. Nor in 2004, 2005, 2006 or 2007. Manifestly, liberals thought there would be: They announced a standard of success that they expected Bush to fail.
As Bush has said, we have to be right 100 percent of the time, the terrorists only have to be right one time. Bush has been right 100 percent of the time for seven years -- so much so that Americans have completely forgotten about the threat of Islamic terrorism.
For his thanks, President Bush has been the target of almost unimaginable calumnies -- the sort of invective liberals usually reserve for seniors who don't separate their recyclables properly. Compared to liberals' anger at Bush, there has always been something vaguely impersonal about their "anger" toward the terrorists.
By my count, roughly one in four books in print in the world at this very moment have the words "Bush" and "Lie" in their title. Barnes & Noble has been forced to add an "I Hate Bush" section. I don't believe there are as many anti-Hitler books.
Despite the fact that Hitler brought "change," promoted clean, energy-efficient mass transit by making the trains run on time, supported abortion for the non-master races, vastly expanded the power of the national government and was uniformly adored by college students and their professors, I gather that liberals don't like Hitler because they're constantly comparing him to Bush.
The ferocity of the left's attacks on Bush even scared many of his conservative allies into turning on him over the war in Iraq.
George Bush is Gary Cooper in the classic western "High Noon." The sheriff is about to leave office when a marauding gang is coming to town. He could leave, but he waits to face the killers as all his friends and all the townspeople, who supported him during his years of keeping them safe, slowly abandon him. In the end, he walks alone to meet the killers, because someone has to.
That's Bush. Name one other person in Washington who would be willing to stand alone if he had to, because someone had to.
OK, there is one, but she's not in Washington yet. Appropriately, at the end of "High Noon," Cooper is surrounded by the last two highwaymen when, suddenly, his wife (Grace Kelly) appears out of nowhere and blows away one of the killers! The aging sheriff is saved by a beautiful, gun-toting woman.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
First Seaworld Trip!
We went to Sea World yesterday as a family-- a first for both Ella and I! We had a great time, I liked it so much more than Disneyland! Just less crowded, less commercial, and more appropriate for Ella's age...
Showin' off moves in the trampoline area (if you could call it that, it was more like just a mat)
Riding Elmo's Flyin' Fish with Daddy
It took her soooo long to pick these up at the same time, and 2 seconds after she finally picked them up this little weasel ransacked her!
Ella had an absolute blast in the Sesame Street area, and meeting Big Bird was like meeting a celebrity for her, it was hilarious!Kyle took some amazing pictures. He really has a talent for taking great photos.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Juno
I finally saw Juno myself and I have to say that I liked it. I was totally turned off after reading a movie review (that I posted a link to on here), and just never saw it. I rented it last week, and I actually thought it sent a good message. She chose to have the baby, give it up for adoption, and she was able to move on with her life. I think it sends a great message to pregnant teens that they do have other options besides abortion.
So forgive me for judging something before I have even seen it!
Monday, June 16, 2008
What we did in May and June.
We ate watermelon.
We rode on the carousel at Disneyland!
We played with strangers at the park.
We got really mad at Nate's Butt Farm!
We learned the word "mine".
We played catch with our cool older cousins.
...And we danced when we found out we're going to have a new baby brother or sister! What an exciting month!!! God's plans are not our plans, and His are so perfect. We praise you Jesus for all of our blessings!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The big 2-5
I had a great 25th bday yesterday! I got to spend the morning chatting with friends at Starbucks, a quick shopping trip to Nordy's (but the half-yearly sale didn't start 'till today, damn it), and finally the Padre game with the Peavy family's tickets! And the Padres actually won! Ella was so cute, I kept saying "GOOOO Padres!" And she'd say, "GOoooo Puppies!" Thanks to my awesome husband (and Lindylu for chasing Ella around the stadium) for this great day!
(Flowers from my dad & Tracy)
Friday, May 16, 2008
Pre-wedding...
We still haven't seen the official wedding pictures (Steve & Kath are still in Ireland) but here are a couple of pictures from the weekend. Rehearsal, the beautiful place, the helpful briday party! Wedding pictures to come!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Fun at Mimi's
I'm posting some pictures of Ella and her daycare (Barb's house) where she goes 1-2 times a week while I'm at school (or Kyle is golfing) hehe. She loves it here, and Barb's unconditional love for these children is amazing. I don't know how she does it! I help her out here and there and I leave absolutely exhausted and frustrated, but her heart never tires or becomes impatient with these children. She is such a blessing in their lives. I pray that God continues to send kids to Mimi's so that they might learn about Him through Barb's love, and that He give them the financial means to keep Mimi's Treehouse afloat! Lord I praise you for this wonderful ministry in disguise.
I'm happy to report that there is now a 2 year old and a 19-mo-old for Ella to play with, they are so cute together (in their own little worlds).
Harvesting the Lettuce the kids helped grow
<--------
Latest Words/Phrases:
Latest Words/Phrases:
All done!
Mole (points out all my moles)
Who is it?
Where's Chancho? (neighbor dog)
Shoes (she's fascinated with people putting on and taking off their shoes)
What's that?
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Ella's new words
This past week Ella has started saying the following:
sorry (sowwy) <--- like every 5 seconds
darn it
meat
mommy (vs. mama)
poop
I did it
...And she mimicks anything you tell her to say. I can't wait for more!
sorry (sowwy) <--- like every 5 seconds
darn it
meat
mommy (vs. mama)
poop
I did it
...And she mimicks anything you tell her to say. I can't wait for more!
Silly in Seattle
Last weekend was Kathleen's (my lawl) bachelorette party in Seattle and her shower in Wenatchee the following day (ugh, definitely should've spaced these two farther apart, whoops)! It was a fun, yet stressful, drama-filled weekend to say the least. Ella had sooo much fun with her Grammy and Grandbob. It was so hard to leave. Everytime I come home to CA I feel more frustrated about the fact that we live so far away from my family, and I feel more resentful toward my husband :(. Which is totally not fair to him. I am struggling with finding a balance and learning to be content with the life I have. I know that I need to find fulfillment and contentment with God no matter where I am geographically. But I am beginning to feel like He is telling me something, that I need to figure something out because the current situation is not working. I do not want to raise my kids in the rat race of Southern California, and I want my mom and sister and her children to be a big part of my childrens' lives! Eventhough Kyle's family is close by, and Kyle is an amazing father, I still feel like I'm raising Ella by myself sometimes. I will post pictures of this past weekend as soon as my mom e-mails them to me!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Phyllis Schlafly -- LOVE HER!
So I know "Juno" was supposed to be a cute movie and yada yada. Here's Phyllis' take on the movie and its explanation of feminism.
The Movie "Juno" Explains Feminism
The Movie "Juno" Explains Feminism
Trying to alleviate some stress!
I'm frustrated because I feel rushed to finish school. Over the past few weeks I've been finding myself scrambling, pondering over the school's schedule to try and swing it so I can graduate in Spring '09 rather than Fall '09. Trying different combinations of classes that would work, and creating several sample schedules for myself that would push me straight to the "edge" with my toes hanging over but not quite falling off. Not to mention the stress that it could put my family through and the sadness I will feel being away from Ella for a much longer period of time than she and I are both used to.
Not that I just want it to be over with-- I honestly really enjoy it once I get over my liberal teachers' schools of thought and their politically charged lectures :) I love the environment and I've met some great people in my classes that have really encouraged me and made my brain work hard. Some of you already know how anxious I am to have another baby, but realize that if I don't finish school before another one comes, it will be difficult to go back. But at the same time, I don't want Ella and #2 to be that far apart in age. If I wait until after fall of '09 to graduate, they will be at least 3 1/2 years apart, which is much farther than I would like. Plus, I will have to return to Starbucks for benefits before we have another baby! UGH. I know we can only try to plan our lives so much, and God just laughs at us. I want to be responsible with my precious time but serve Him by being good at the most important roles He's given me: a wife and mommy. I feel that by finishing my degree I am making the best decision for my family in the long run so that I can get a good job doing something I love once my littlest one has begun kindergarten (unless I homeschool, then what's this all for?? Who am I kidding, homeschooling would be disastrous for me. I'm so jealous of moms who can do it!). So that will be... in like 8 or 9 years!
But amidst all these goals and trying to do what's best for my family and my sanity, I'm giving myself big fat migraines! Maybe this, how bout this, oh this would work, eh, no. How 'bout this? Or this? AHHH! I wish I didn't have so many choices. I wish God would just put the courses I should take, how many of them, and at what times with the easiest teachers, minimizing the amount of time I spend studying and maximizing my time with my family, right in front of my thick skull. Meanwhile blessing me with a wonderfully surprising pregnancy that would, yet again, place school on the backburner and family right in front. Right where it should be to begin with.
The solution seems clear. I want family to be #1 and school to be #2. But with a little over a year left, it is such an attainable goal, and I feel like I need to honor God for giving me this opportunity to further my education and honor my husband for faithfully understanding how important this goal is to me and for supporting our family 100% financially while I pursue it all. I know it will be worth it once its over. I just need help learning to relax and to trust that all will be complete in His timing, that I need to depend on Him with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind; and not my knowledge of the way things "should" be, and that babies will come when they're supposed to, and school will be finished when its supposed to. It is my prayer that He remove all selfish motives and tendencies to rely on myself and what I think is best. Lord I pray that I learn to seek you FIRST, believe your word, and trust You for the outcome.
Who cares if I don't pick the quickest, most painless path? Lord, help me to see clearly your path for me. Even if its just enough light for the step I'm on. Help me to realize it is not just about attaining that degree, planning those babies, whatever...it is learning to depend on you every single day, in every single aspect of my life.
Not that I just want it to be over with-- I honestly really enjoy it once I get over my liberal teachers' schools of thought and their politically charged lectures :) I love the environment and I've met some great people in my classes that have really encouraged me and made my brain work hard. Some of you already know how anxious I am to have another baby, but realize that if I don't finish school before another one comes, it will be difficult to go back. But at the same time, I don't want Ella and #2 to be that far apart in age. If I wait until after fall of '09 to graduate, they will be at least 3 1/2 years apart, which is much farther than I would like. Plus, I will have to return to Starbucks for benefits before we have another baby! UGH. I know we can only try to plan our lives so much, and God just laughs at us. I want to be responsible with my precious time but serve Him by being good at the most important roles He's given me: a wife and mommy. I feel that by finishing my degree I am making the best decision for my family in the long run so that I can get a good job doing something I love once my littlest one has begun kindergarten (unless I homeschool, then what's this all for?? Who am I kidding, homeschooling would be disastrous for me. I'm so jealous of moms who can do it!). So that will be... in like 8 or 9 years!
But amidst all these goals and trying to do what's best for my family and my sanity, I'm giving myself big fat migraines! Maybe this, how bout this, oh this would work, eh, no. How 'bout this? Or this? AHHH! I wish I didn't have so many choices. I wish God would just put the courses I should take, how many of them, and at what times with the easiest teachers, minimizing the amount of time I spend studying and maximizing my time with my family, right in front of my thick skull. Meanwhile blessing me with a wonderfully surprising pregnancy that would, yet again, place school on the backburner and family right in front. Right where it should be to begin with.
The solution seems clear. I want family to be #1 and school to be #2. But with a little over a year left, it is such an attainable goal, and I feel like I need to honor God for giving me this opportunity to further my education and honor my husband for faithfully understanding how important this goal is to me and for supporting our family 100% financially while I pursue it all. I know it will be worth it once its over. I just need help learning to relax and to trust that all will be complete in His timing, that I need to depend on Him with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind; and not my knowledge of the way things "should" be, and that babies will come when they're supposed to, and school will be finished when its supposed to. It is my prayer that He remove all selfish motives and tendencies to rely on myself and what I think is best. Lord I pray that I learn to seek you FIRST, believe your word, and trust You for the outcome.
Who cares if I don't pick the quickest, most painless path? Lord, help me to see clearly your path for me. Even if its just enough light for the step I'm on. Help me to realize it is not just about attaining that degree, planning those babies, whatever...it is learning to depend on you every single day, in every single aspect of my life.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Apparently Myspace isn't cool anymore
...and blogging seemed like the natural, mature transition in to staying in touch with people I love. With my family very far away and people very dear to me moving away, at least they can look at pictures of Ella on here and watch her grow in to the beautiful human being that God has created her to be! Here are a couple of pictures just to see how she's grown in the last 17 months (WHAT)!
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